News from the Weird
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
 
news from the weird volume 44

Good afternoon all,

No news last week due to the long weekend news suck hole effect aka sheer laziness. It was my birthday on the weekend as many of you know, and I ended up taking it easy for once. Managed to book a ticket to Amsterdam and Paris for the beginning of July. If any one has been to either place and can recommend good hostels/hotels, restaurants, and sites to check out let me know. Anyway, here's the news:

Plan’s for saving the world as if they were Ikea directions photshop contest. Pithy.

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=950292



Unhappy with the random crystalline structure of snowflakes. This man was and now he grows his own.

http://www.its.caltech.edu/~atomic/snowcrystals/designer2/designer2.htm



Eclipse of Venus and the sun will happen June 8 of this year.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/health/bal-te.ms.venus17may17,0,7451703.story?coll=bal-health-headlines



Chimera photoshop contest three or more animals combined. Super freaky stuff

http://www.worth1000.com/cache/contest/contestcache.asp?contest_id=2836&display=photoshop#entries



Enter “Cookie Mongoloid” sesame street songs done to speed metal.

http://www.wearemongoloid.com/cookie/index.htm
 
 
News from the Weird Volume 43

Good afternoon All,

Do you ever get worn down, do you ever just want to stop everything that your doing go home and just sleep for a few months and retreat deep inside. I do, sometimes I think I must have been a bear in a previous life I'm sure that must be the way they feel when they're ready to hybernate.

I'm about half-way through the book "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" by Ken Kasey and am suprised about how much more there is crammed into the book then in the movie at times it's almost as if they're two seperate stories. The book oscilates from engaging to down right amazing I would say that it's again to getting a number of literary sucker punches, sometimes the book just makes you breathless.


Here’s a awesome Mike Tyson Quote I want to share with you all. He’s like Mohammed Ali on CRACK.

"My power is discombobulatingly devastating I could feel his muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."

For more Mike Tyson awesomeness check out http://kjkolb.tripod.com/homepage/miketysonquotes.html



***** COOLNESS ALERT YOUR HEART MAY NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE THE SHEER JOY THAT THIS SITE WILL IMPART****

I have seen the future of finding new music and it is Music Plasma. This is the coolest most intense and exiting site I’ve seen in a while. You tell it a band you like and it creates a web of other bands that you would also like based on others tastes. It’s right on the money. If you love music you WILL love this site with that desperate love that comes only a few times in your lifetime.

http://www.musicplasma.com/



******* END COOLNESS ALERT *******



Some neat uses for old wire coat hangers.

http://www.designboom.com/history/wirehangersreuse.html



An illustrated story of a man’s battle with tape worms, not for the squeamish but the story itself is actually quite good.

http://fray.com/drugs/worm/



Communist era Czech TV commercials.

http://www.arellanes.com/archives/000231.html



I’m not sure about this site it’s pretty weird that it exists but borders on the realm of normal. Scary squirrel is dedicated to well squirrels…and that’s it.

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/



Strange little site with wacky flash animation, kinda Tim Burton –esue. Here are my two favourite so far.

http://www.scary.ru/flash/estradasphere.html

http://www.scary.ru/flash/nosmoke.html
 
 
News from the wierd volum 42

I went to an art opening last night here in Calgary at the Auburn and ended up reading a two-page poem consisting of rhyming cuplets last night, it was seemingly well received



The continuing saga of the Fords homicidal “evil twin” Sportika. Sent to me by Ewan and mentioned to as well by Chester.

http://www.pageseuro.net/Humour/2003/J03091501.mpg



Now you too can take your family on a vacation to visit the 10 courts of hell theme park.

http://www.jehpin.com/travel/singapore/hawpar/




This one is from Ewan, someone decided it would be a swell idea to sit in his stalled car in the middle of a highway.

http://www.thestar.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestar/Layout/Article_Type1&call_pageid=971358637177&c=Article&cid=1083276612893



Everyone, meet Pete the Porno Puppet, Pete meet everyone.

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/4874417/



Vat grown teeth anyone? This will be awesome when I’m old hahahaha steak in my seventies.

http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/50138E99-A374-4D3D-A880-D7ED25D4453E.htm



Two people spend $100’s of thousands of Dollars to look like Ken and Barbie through cosmetic surgery. “Barbie” gets an entry in the Guiness Book of World Records for the most plastic surgery performed on any human being in history, even more then Michael Jackson.

http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/OddPics/Barbie.html



In the continuing saga of the Campaign Against pornography in the US, the other side is fighting back. Strip clubs are organizing into a lobbying group and trying to convince their patrons to register and vote against bush. “Strippers against Bush” what a tagline.

http://www.duluthsuperior.com/mld/duluthsuperior/news/politics/8568401.htm



Anti censorship webservice censors itself, how devilishly ironic.

http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99994952



A hilarious parody site linking the murder rates in various American cities to the proximity and quantity of McDonalds restaurants. The conspiracy is that McDonalds has been hired to control the population rate of Americans by killing them.

http://www.mcmurder.com/mccoverup.html

 
 
News from the Weird Volume 41

Good morning all



It is my great pleasure to announce that the marital unit “Tarton” (Tara and Anton Wasilka) is expecting a bouncing baby girl within 6-7 weeks. Whether or not the baby can bounce has yet to be seen but everything else is apparently progressing quite well. It is my belief that Tara and Anton will make fantastic parents and I wish them all the best.



Last night I just watched a really messed up film, it's French (which won't suprise Anton after the "Where's my laudinum/Thousands of men are..." caper) and called In My Skin (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0337961/). It's about a woman who becomes obsessed with self-mutilation so that she can feel alive. Last night I dreampt that I was a fill in bass player for the White Stripes, I also dreampt that my friend Errol's mother died. Wacky stuff anyway here's the news.



Another one from Chester, a particularly vicious commercial showcasing the “evil” twin of Fords new vehicle line.

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~jimbeamblack/cat.mpg



The history of the “Boom Box”

http://pocketcalculatorshow.com/boombox/birth1.html



Jackie Chan named UN Ambassador, this is pretty cool but a sure sign of the coming apocalypse.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=529&ncid=529&e=1&u=/ap/20040426/ap_en_ot/chan_ambassador_2



Apparently it was the 30th Anniversary of Dungeons and Dragons on Monday so here’s an oldy-but-a-goody from Jack T. Chick about how it is just a front for Evil Witch Covens (good for a yuk).

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp?repeatfrom3yearsago



Here’s a link to a doctor who builds snake robots for fun.

http://www.snakerobots.com/main.htm



A dangerous and wacky new sport Wok-boarding. Check it, it’s so much fun by the looks of it.

http://www.chiseen.com/vidshare/sm/wok_boarding.html



This is a really neat article on Super Organics. A sophisticated form of cross-breeding.

http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/12.05/food.html?tw=wn_tophead_9



Taking you way back to 1965 it’s the Honeywell “Kitchen Computer” for a mere $10,000 you too can store your recipes, and that’s about it.

http://starfish.osfn.org/~mikeu/h316/kitchen.shtml
 
 
News from the weird volume 40

Good morning all,

It appears that News from the Weird is 40 today. Wow. I've been at this for fourty weeks, man I have no life ;->. I'm trying to convince my friend Ewan to do a weekly riff on the news just a stream of concouisness rant or whatever he wants to talk about. He's a very talented writer, and did that Grimace piece I added to the news a few moons ago. Well, anyway here we go.

My room mate Chester sent me this one. A nightclub in Spain is implanting Microchips in it’s VIP members. Welcome to 1984.

http://www.prisonplanet.com/articles/april2004/040704bajabeachclub.htm



Looks like the US is really starting to ramp up there anti-pornography campaign. A number of church groups are shutting down sex toy stores using antiquated obsenity laws. Federally there is also a big crackdown. This does not bode well for Canada as we receive a great deal of pressure from the US to follow suit in any major initiative. So I guess the real message here is get out there and enjoy some porn while you still can ;->.

http://www.avn.com/index.php?Primary_Navigation=Articles&Action=View_Article&Content_ID=80200



Most office workers will trade their password information for a chocolate bar. Mmmmm… Chocolate.

http://www.securitypipeline.com/news/18902074



A combine two animals photoshop contest. Some pretty good stuff (and some really bad stuff) the piranha bunnies are my favourite.

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=918162



This site sells FUNCTIONAL scaled down replica’s of siege engines. My favourite is the ballista.

http://www.eccentricgenius.ca/frameset.htm



Czechnian online video game based on the movie kill bill vol 1. Slice up the crazy 88.

http://kill-bill.cz/game/index.php



Replica of the Back to the Future car being auctioned on E-Bay.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2475019485



HIGHLY Addictive (like crack) web based game called floats.

http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/floats.htm
 
 
News from the Weird Volume 39

Hey all,



My tooth self-destructed and now I have the herculian task of trying to find a decent dentist in this town. I have two leads but one isn't available so that makes things pretty easy. Thinking of seeing Kill Bill Vol 2, and the Punisher on the weekend. If any of you end up seeing either flick let me know what you think. Here's the news





Sicilian village plagued by inexplicable Spontaneous Combustion of electrical appliances.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4669114/



A new product that consists of thousands of intestinal worm eggs in a liquid suspension to intentionally give yourself worms has a supposed therapeutic effect. This is by far the most messed up, and sick, shit I’ve heard in a long time, wow.

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2004-04/ns-dow040704.php



A Chicago tribune article on Japgrish tattoo’s what the owners think they mean and what they literally translate into, some funny stuff. Luckily my Chinese tattoo was well researched as opposed to some flash in a tattoo shop (haha that’s what you get suckers).

http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/chi-040406tattoos-photogallery,1,6344756.photogallery?coll=chi-homepagenews2-utl&index=1?YOUR_REGISTRATION_SYSTEM_SUCKS



I read about this around six months ago in a wired article but it looks like the style might be hitting clubs in a big way. 8-bit or chip music utilizes old gameboy’s and nintendo’s with a custom made tracker cartridge to pump out 8-bit techno. Here’s a link to a mp3 of the music.

ftp://ftp.jp.scene.org/pub/scene/music/groups/8bitpeoples/8bp040-01-psilodump-jag_minns_inte_original_mix.mp3



Looks like the Canadian arm of the RIAA is at it again trying to appeal file sharers being sued.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20040413.gtcria0413/BNStory/Technology/



A nano-scale has been created that can weigh individual virus cells. Neat.

http://www.nanotechweb.org/articles/news/3/2/15/1



A new synthetic liquid called Saphire has been produced, and it doesn’t get things wet that are submerged in it.

http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/news/04132004_bb_sapphire.html



Wacky site that crosses different animals together.

http://www.humandescent.com/index2.shtml
 
 
News from the weird volume 38

Good morning,

I am not sure how many of you out there are into Terror Techno but I found this boss internet radio station that plays only hardcore on shoutcast.com called "House Nation Radio", you need winamp to connect. Life is pretty wacky lately I was out in the mountains and took a lead fall off a cliff about 15 ft on the weekend, uninjured though thank god. So anyway enough dallying onto the news.

A Bizarre game my friend Randy sent me the link for, oh NOT SAFE FOR WORK AND TERRIBLY CRUDE!

http://file.sugarqube.com/Cards/jblo_TheWormGame.swf?PL=L400x300



A working model of the bike from the movie Akira.

http://www.blackletter.org/ubb/Forum9/HTML/000010.html



Windows media file of someone playing the Super Mario Bros theme song with just a guitar. It’s super cool.

http://mo-mus.com/mario.wmv



Japanese students re-mix Penny-Arcade comics with strange broken Engrish. Wacky stuff.

http://www.yukihime.com/comics/paremix/



Canada is the destination for a new wave of Americian refugee’s, home of the brave and the free indeed! Just a few years ago everyone wanted to move to America, amazing how fast things can change.

http://www.heise.de/tp/english/inhalt/co/17087/1.html



NASA is about to launch a probe to test the fabric of space time, sounds pretty frickin cool.

http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,62936,00.html?tw=wn_tophead_10



Mass Produced American garment label apologizes for how much of an idiot Bush is.

http://atbash.net/blog/archives/000046.html
 
 
News from the weird volume 37

Good afternoon,

Here's the latest and greatest instalment of the news.

This is a hilarious site Ewan sent me, it’s a really tongue in cheek attack on SUV’s!

http://poseur.4x4.org/futuresuv.html



PETA is now starting to give out “Buckets of Blood” in front of KFC that is some seriously warped stuff I tell ya, seriously warped.

http://www.timesdispatch.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=RTD/MGArticle/RTD_BasicArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1031774483141



US Military is planning on disposing of 1,269 tonnes of VX Nerve gas converting it into a deadly acid, partially neutralizing it and then dumping it in the Delaware river. The affluent would contain trace amounts of Hydroslysate which could be collected and reconstituted into nerve gas.

http://www.alternet.org/story.html?StoryID=18238



Picture of the world’s best insulator called Aerogel. It’s really cool stuff if you were to insulate your house with it, and have an internal air supply, a candle will cause your house to be uncomfortably hot.

http://hinterlands.cc/index.php?showtopic=42



Cambodian man cuts off his own penis to appease “hungry spirits”.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=857&ncid=757&e=10&u=/nm/20040329/od_uk_nm/oukoe_cambodia_penis
 
 
News from the weird volume 36

Hey,



Looking forward to the weekend, some fridays are a massive hurdle to get through this being one of them. Thinking of checking out the new Nascar3D Imax movie cause I'm a sucker for anything 3D, has anyone seen it? Well have a great weekend.



My friend Sean turned me onto this sort of thing about six months ago paper models. This link takes you to some insanely detailed star wars 3-D paper models and inexpensive way to have some fun.

http://www.linkclub.or.jp/~shun-pop/gallery1/SW.html



A new planet was found in our Solar system called Sedna.

http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,62673,00.html?tw=wn_tophead_7



City officials responding to the warnings in a joke site about the dangers of di-hydrogen monoxide almost ban the use of water. This is an old joke site too, suckers.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4534017/



I am so happy I could shit, Jack T. Chick writer of the “Scary” fire and brimstone religious tracts has finally released his movie he’s been working on for the last few years called “The Light of The World” straight to DVD. I am looking for it hardcore in all the cool video shops.

http://www.nypress.com/17/11/film/DVD2.cfm



In Britain a new super-hero has been born on the streets, enter ANGLE GRINDER MAN!!!!

http://www.anglegrinderman.org/



Creem the rock magazine compiled all there interviews with William S. Burroughs over the years starting at 1978. This is some wild stuff and a must read for any fans of Uncle Bill.

http://www.creemmagazine.com/BeatGoesOn/WilliamSBurroughs/CreemInterviews.html



“Atkins Dieters” often develop severe cases of Halitosis. This article tells why.

http://www.ncbuy.com/news/2004-03-17/1009155.html



Wacky rant signs from Okalahoma.

http://www.billdugan.com/pictures/oklahoma/
 
 
NEWS FROM THE WEIRD VOLUME 35

A friend of mine Ewan sent me some pretty cool pictures of a bunch of tricked out vans if anyone's interested in seeing them let me know (It's probably only a couple of meg but some people have very stringent mailbox limits). Here's the latest and greatest forray into the fearful forest of the foreign that is the news from the weird:

Strange Comic that I found captivating.

http://www.boltcity.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=807



Cowboy girl pinups collected from the 1930’s-1960’s, someone had way to much time on there hands. Safe for work.

http://www.owensvalleyhistory.com/pinups1/page42.html



A new disorder has been discovered where people suffer from musical hallucinations. I new a guy who had a condition similar to this.

http://www.carlzimmer.com/articles/2004/articles_2004_Music.html



Now you too can own your very own bag of plagues.

http://www.jcolstore.com/cgi-bin/index.cgi?CMD=DETAIL&LOC=172014&IDX=0&PROD=5935



The Random Masturbation Synonymn Generator, It’s neat-o. I got “Thwackin' the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell”

http://www.worldwidewank.com/generator.html
 
 
News from the Weird Volume 34


Good morning,

Here's some new news for you.

A lady in Beijing stole a pair of pants from a store and was caught because she went back to the same store to get them altered.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=573&ncid=757&e=10&u=/nm/20040224/od_nm/china_trousers_dc



Man it didn’t take long to up the ante on cells being grown on silicon, University of California just created the first muscle powered robot. There is already an application being worked on to relieve diaphragm paralysis so that some day certain people won’t have to live with an iron long. Straight out of a sci-fi novel, technologies getting frickin cool.

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2004-02/ns-frm022504.php



Here’s a peek into the CIA Spy museum, super cool James Bond tech mes amis.

http://www.thememoryhole.org/spy/cia-museum/



Brothers born with extra set of kidneys each, they use there amazing filtering powers to drink they’re friends under the table.

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/content_objectid=13985494_method=full_siteid=89488_headline=-BOOZE-BROTHERS-name_page.html



A mysterious blue spot has appeared on Jupiter? No new spots detected on Uranus {ha} I slay me.

http://skyandtelescope.com/observing/objects/planets/article_1195_1.asp



Artificial butter vapours cause rare lung disease at microwave popcorn plant.

http://www.cnn.com/2004/LAW/03/02/popcorn.trial.ap/index.html



Some really trippy and strange web pages created by this guy when he was frustrated apparently. “Pain from NU Monet” is my favorite so far.

http://members.cox.net/lxix/ithurts/index.html

 
 
News from the Weird Volume 33

Hey all,

For those who are interested please find my trip to Ontario itenerary attached, news to follow. Things are going pretty good lately and I am ultra excited to go on vacation.

Friday February 27-
6:00pm Phoenix Theatre - Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs -Toronto

Saturday February 28-
10:00 am - Milestones Grill for Brunch Reservation under "Cameron" - Toronto
Milestone's Grill and Bar
132 John Street
Toronto
416-595-1990

8:00 pm - Late Supper at the Huther Hotel - Kitchener

Later - Club Abstract perhaps

Sunday February 29, 2004
1pm - Brunch at Country Boy - Kitchener

For those of you who are interested here is a facinating report on climate change as produced by the US pentagon.
http://www.greenpeace.org/multimedia/download/1/417492/0/pentagon-on-climate-change.pdf

Here’s a copy of US President Bushes dental records for anyone whoose interested.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/bushteeth1.html



Here are some exceptionally well done portraits of Hollywood blondes done in bubblegum, that’s right folks bubble gum. It will blow your mind and won’t be all that safe for work.

http://www.gumblondes.com/



A crystal the size of our moon has been theorized to exist in the heart of dying dwarf star, a crystal the size of the moon. Think how crazy that would be to see!

http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99994692



Turn yourself into a bar code based on your vital statistics.

http://www.barcodeart.com/art/yourself/yourself.html



The board at Nestle must have been hitting the crack pipe pretty hard in their latest round of marketing meetings “Curry Kit Kat anyone?”.

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/lifeandstyle/articles/9242221?source=Evening%20Standard



Nerve cells have been successfully grown on silicon by University of Calgary. Brace yourself direct brain interfaces may soon be here.

http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/TechNews/2004/02/19/353584-cp.html



Swarms of Nuclear powered robotic MADMEN may be defending our planet from asteroid threats in the near future.

http://www.ajc.com/saturday/content/epaper/editions/saturday/news_0473506982742054007f.html
 
 
News from the weird volume 32

Good afternoon,

Well I am going on a trip at the end of the month so I'm terribly excited. I really don't have much to say this week except if your from Ontario I've included a brief outline of my itenirary.

Ontarian's
It's official I am going to be in Ontario from February 27-March 1. As I've discussed with most of you I'll be in Toronto on Friday, leaving on Saturday at around noon, then in Kitchener Saturday evening and Sunday, on Monday I'll be in Tilsonburg visiting with my grandparents. If anyone needs more details please give me an e-mail.


My friend Louis sent this to my and it’s AWESOME. Matrix style Ping Pong, it’s hilarious!

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/pingpong.php



All the scanned instructions on how to transform every Transformer ever made.

http://www.tfracetrack.com/instructions/



Pirate themed toiletries anyone?

http://www.cdockpirates.com/Bath.htm



In the future getting angry at an automated phone system will get you transferred to a real live human quicker, and our mothers told us NOT to swear HA.

http://www.wired.com/news/gizmos/0,1452,62184,00.html?tw=wn_tophead_5



A really kooky tongue in cheek article about Mary Poppins corrupting the minds of our pro-corporate youth.

http://metaphilm.com/philm.php?id=36_0_2_0





-----NOT SAFE FOR WORK------

God bless the Japanese they’re so WEIRD: Surreal series of snapshots from what is said to be Japan's "oldest and still open 'house of hidden treasures," or Hihokan -- including some crazy, retro, sex themed circus-midway-style games. And whale vulvas. And walls plastered with scary plastic breasts. And very, very old Japorn movie posters.

http://69.93.124.90/truestories/hihokan/

-----END NOT SAFE FOR WORK -----



Now I used to be a smoker so I have a bit of a soft spot when it comes to smokers rights; so I was shocked to hear that in Ireland they are thinking of banning smoking in all public places, meaning, that you can only smoke in your own home or on your own property period. This is highly retarded to me as smoking in a well ventilated area, LIKE OUTSIDE, would deliver much less then 300 parts per million cigarette smoke to someone standing only a few feet away the actual effect on someone else would be negligible in my mind. This is just a really pussyfooted way of going about banning smoking all together. Now I recognize that smoking is a dangerous hobby, but smokers pay more then their fair share in health cost through luxury tax (In most countries anyway) so I think they should be able to do whatever they want to their bodies. This sort of father knows best mentality in government I find infuriating and an assault against personal freedom. Cigarette smokers aren’t helpless victims that need rescuing, they are adults making a choice to do what they do. What I do agree with is increasing funding to social programs dealing with addiction of all sorts, and subsiding drugs that ease the withdrawal symptoms of smoking. I always welcome your thoughts on issues like this.

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/story.jsp?story=490934
 
 
News from the Weird Volume 31

Hey,

I want to welcome Trinity and Tess to the transmission this week, I hope you like it:

It’s so true and it’s been driving me mad, trying not to do it!!



“While sitting in your chair, lift your right foot slightly off the ground and move it in clockwise circles. Now draw the numeral "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will involuntarily reverse direction. “



Awesome photoshop contest that takes cartoon characters and makes them into gods and religious figures. I like wonderwoman as Kali.

http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=811115



Really strange photo project that takes photo’s of people at different times in their lives and pastes them together. Some is funny, and some is plain creepy.

http://www.bobbyneeladams.com/age.html



List member Ewan, in a spurt of creativity, did a pretty surreal written piece on the “true” origin of grimace. Here it is “My guess is that he represents the natural negative reaction to being fat, and to eating non-dairy shakes. He's a loveable character though, so it's okay to be as fat as your parents will let you become. When a child grimaces when drinking a sludgy purple "shake," Grimace himself becomes even more powerful. He is the personification of the sin of gluttony, a filthy, sugar sweet villain sent to test the resolve of the human race. Grimace is the all powerful daemonic force behind the McDonald's phenomina. Ronald is only a puppet, a figure head!



The real power, derived from the chained souls of fat asses all over the world, belongs to the the purple one. He goes by many names... the Blubbery Blueberrysbubba...the Largesize Lucifer... the Wide Load Lord of Lazy Lardasses... Eater of Worlds... Old Shake... the Great Purple Gluttony himself. Make no mistake, though Manducus wears many masks, they can never hide his many chins.



We must repent! Isn't there a little grimace in each of us? If this messager of flab represents a test of the souls of humanity, we are failing terribly! We have fallen around his swollen, smelly, purple feet and offered nothing but praise and finger lick'in worship. We offer to sacrifice our children to the shapeless purple enigma, without question. We have all seen how our children scream when we pull them away from his foul, bloated teat. They beg to suck at the alter of ooze!



What's the special sauce you ask? It's pure evil. Spread the good word John!””







Not terribly weird but interesting article on the Wal-Martification of America and their influence on North America. Allegedly 7.6 out of every dollar that contributes to the GDP is revenue from WalMart, this is creepy in my mind. Oh yeah, Wal-Mart is also the largest employer in America.

http://www.alternet.org/story.html?StoryID=17761
 
 
NEWS FROM THE WEIRD VOLUME 30

Hey,

This marks my 30th issue of news from the weird which means over six months since I started this, man time flies. I am toying with the idea of catching the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs concert on February 27th in Toronto so if any of you TO folks have a couch or floor I can crash on that's accessible to subway or bus (It's at the Phoenix theatre) it would be much appreciated. I'll probably have a bit of time to visit everybody else in Ontario as well depending on what I can swing with work and school. That's right I'm back in school, it seems I can never escape no matter how hard I try, I'm taking a math course to qualify for University entrance (Which is bizarre since I have college math but anway). My website www.swarthypoetry.com is now hosting content, but currently it's just a copy of my roommates website so I have to get on the actual front end of it. Anway now that your sufficently bored stiff with the minutae of my life here's the news:

Dead Sperm Whale Explodes in Tainan City.

http://www.etaiwannews.com/Taiwan/2004/01/27/1075168255.htm



The best I could find on the origins of the McDonalds character Grimace as requested by Tarton (Tara/Anton).

http://home.att.net/~planetgarp/grimace.html



Video’s of people shooting food, that’s right people taking out there nine’s and busting a cap in … food. Some very beautiful slow motion stuff.

http://www.bitpress.com/dc/



For the super-nerdy or the super lazy someone just created Hektor the Graffiti robot.

http://people.ee.ethz.ch/~ufranke/hektor/Hektor.pdf

 
 
NEWS FROM THE WEIRD VOLUME 29

Hey all,

WARNING LINK AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST IS PRETTY CONTROVERSIAL READ THE DESCRIPTION BEFORE CLICKING ON THE LINK, SERIOUSLY. The last link is also the most powerful in my opinon. I just started working out at the gym on my lunch break and I really enjoy it. Due to the amount of travel time I've been doing I don't know where I'll be in the evening so it was a great solution. My website isn't quite up yet for my Magnetic Poetry my dad is doing some devilishly complicated behind the scene's code to allow me to use my room mate's webserver. It looks like a few more weeks even. Well anyway here's the news:

My dad sent me this and I believe that it is a product of a deranged mind. Expect badgers, mushrooms, and snakes in plentitude.

www.badgerbadgerbadger.com



Usually I am not much into flowers or landscapes but this scanner art by Katinka Matson is exceptional in my mind.

http://www.katinkamatson.com/index2.html



WHoah! This guy made a life size replica of Han Solo frozen in carbonite using lego. Someone has WAY, WAY, WAY, too much free time on their hands. I have to admit it though it’s pretty cool.

http://www.nathanbrickartist.com/archives/000018.html



Here’s a page dedicated to women eating sandwiches. No skimpy clothing or suggestiveness just women eating sandwiches, I am not sure if this is just plain silliness or some deeply sick fetish?

http://www.everythingsbusted.com/sandwiches.html



I received a spam e-mail today that had random text at the bottom to fool Bayesian filtering technology. I thought it was a rather beautiful bit of nonsense, but then again I’m sick today so my judgment may be mard (It was sent to me by someone with the moniker Burton Forrest which is a cool name if I ever heard one):

“Now and then, defined by lacewing. When you see near celanese, it means that toward everybody takes a audible break. Indeed, living with inert make a truce with melpomene near. Most people believe that inside disneyland negotiate a abeyance with from, but they need to remember how complete about placater.Now and then, from cook cheese manhole over. When for tonsil dies, around sweeps the floor. Most people believe that inside reach an understanding with beyond, but they need to remember how resistor.”



A really cool article on Bayesian statistical decision making (They use this for spam filters).

http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/20/health/20TENN.html?ei=5062&en=6baae7684f61163b&ex=1075179600&partner=GOOGLE&pagewanted=print&position=



Wesley Willis I heard some of his stuff before and it’s highly silly but I hadn’t heard this track as of yet. It might not be suitable for work.

http://www.alternativetentacles.com/octopodes/829/sVIncwYlszWI1gP1vTA/Wesley_Willis-My_Mother_Smokes.mp3





------WARNING READ BEFORE YOU CLICK ON THIS LINK NOT SAFE FOR WORK-----

This is a short movie about a recently released photographical history of lynching in America called “Without Sanctuary” created by the author. It talks about the shame and horror of the act and contains actual photos of lynched slaves with dialog as to their origin. This, if I may use the vernacular, is fucked up shit. I was shocked after watching this short movie, and I am not sure you would want to. The only reason I include this is because of the old axiom “Those who don’t remember the past are doomed to repeat it”, In short I see it as a warning. Without a doubt this is not safe for work.

http://www.musarium.com/withoutsanctuary/movie_play.html



------ END WARNING NOT SAFE FOR WORK-----

 
 
NEWS FROM THE WEIRD VOLUME 28

Good morning,

I am feeling a little sick this morning, physically that is. I ended up booking off work a little early on friday so no news last week so here it is today.

Slugs and Snails have the weirdest mating habits I swear, this variety of slug suspends itself in the air while mating.

http://members.optushome.com.au/awnelson/davidavid/slug/



Scientists have found the key to the adhesive glue in a zebra mussel. At the bottom of the article there is a very impressive picture of a zebra mussel adhering to a sheet of Teflon.

http://radio.weblogs.com/0105910/2004/01/12.html



Implant surgery with objects such as plastic flowers put just under your skin. This is creepy but I believe it is legitimate. I’ve heard of far more radical surgeries with grafting metal into the skin.

http://www.floralsculptureclinic.nl/frameset.htm



Old Sesame Street wav files I found when looking for old Monsterpiece Theatre episodes. Any one that gets me a compilation of these Monsterpiece Theatre earns my eternal gratitude.

http://members.tripod.com/Tiny_Dancer/



The modern history of Psychosurgery (lobotomy).

http://www.lobotomy.info/adventures.html



Scary clown on-line graphic novelette from the compilation called “Beautiful stories for Ugly Children”. I have a copy of an earlier issue and really liked it. Anyway check it out.

http://cv.org/~hlk/Cotton_Candy/01.html




Punch out as many American Idols as you can in 60 seconds, I got 97 out of a possible 105. The Catharisis washes over you like a cool breeze.

http://www.liquidgeneration.com/games/idol_punch.asp



I’ve been playing this super cool game called nation states that allows you to rule a country and determine it’s path by voting on issues brought to your government. Here’s the link: http://www.nationstates.net/cgi-bin/index.cgi


 
 
News from the Weird Volume 27

Hey,



Your software is conspiring against you. The latest release of Photoshop, Photoshop CS (or version 8), chews up your CPU cycles looking for scanned copies of American currency and snitches to the authorities if it is detected. This whole DRM thing is being blown out of proportion in my mind.



I went bungee jumping on the weekend at West Edmonton Mall and it was the craziest rush I had in a long time.



I am starting up a small business selling edgy fridge poetry along the same vein as Magnetic Poetry, but far cooler. Keep on eye on www.swarthypoetry.com in the next few weeks and I should have my online ordering site up. So far I’ve developed Pirate and HaX0r based theme kits and I’ll be selling them a few bucks cheaper then the Magnetic poetry in stores. Well enough shameless self promotion onto the news:



New fad diet called PassionSlim which actually sounds pretty good. The idea is you imbibe a high vitamin, relatively low carbohydrate shake, and have as much sex as possible in lieu of regular exercise at the gym. Honey if your reading this I think I need to lose a few pounds ;-P

http://www.emediawire.com/releases/2003/12/emw96001.htm



Remember using small strips of magnesium in science class, remember how it isn’t extinguished by water? Well a large magnesium plant blew up! Man I would have loved to have seen that explosion from a mile or two away.

http://www.woio.com/Global/story.asp?S=1580328



Chris sent me this one it’s the Middle-Earth Name Generator. My Dwarven name is Ori Deatharm.

http://www.barrowdowns.com/middleearthname.asp



This is SO MESSED UP! William Shatner is making a new album and HENRY ROLLINS is a guest vocalist, it will be mine… oh yes.

http://www.cbc.ca/arts/stories/shatner241203



MoveOn.org which is a political site that popped up over night is sponsor a contest called “Bush in 30 seconds” to produce an anti-bush campaign commercial. This link shows the top 15 finalists my favorites are “No Billionaire left behind” and “Imagine”.

http://www.bushin30seconds.org/



My friend Marko turned me onto this site it’s an archive of recorded crop circle patterns since the 1920’s. It’s interesting stuff, though fraught with controversy and crackpot theories.

http://www.cropcircle-archive.com/



A lot of people including Randy, Sandy, and Tara/Anton have been sending me some tripped out 3Dish airbrushed side walk art. For anyone who is interested the artists name is Kurt Wenner, I first ran into him when reading issue 36 of Juxtapoz which is an ultra cool art mag that I highly recommend.

http://www.dodger.com/wenner/gallery.htm



This is a hilarious practical joke with nods to Penn and Teller (http://www.pennandteller.com/), my favourite bad boys of magic.

http://www.theolympian.com/home/news/20040107/southsound/8191.shtml



The head producer from the Acid jazz band Pizzicato 5 put together a compilation of re-mixed Disney Songs called “Readymade Digs Disney” and it is beyond cool. The page is in Japanese but you can preview tracks by clicking on the note icons track 4, 5, and 11 rock my world so far.

http://www.disney.co.jp/records/album_info/avcw-12323/



This isn’t weird but I always argue with my dad about the importance of having certain industries government run. Here is a shocking article about how deregulation didn’t work, haha put this in your pipe and smoke it mon pere.

http://www.cleveland.com/business/plaindealer/index.ssf?/base/business/1072089173136291.xml


 
Weird and delightful tidbits from my favourite news feeds and irresponsible browsing habits.

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